A Note on Endings

It's been a while since I've posted. I guess I've been mentally processing a lot of stuff, as well as getting ready for finals (and seeing Spamalot!). I should probably start off with the news that's been on my mind the most lately; S and I decided to break up at the end of the semester. He's afraid that we're in this relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, and he thinks that this summer should be a "test" for our relationship. If he still wants to be with me when we get back next fall, we can get back together, he said. I really hope he realizes that I don't wait around for boys who break up with me. TM learned this the hard way. It's been hard, being in a relationship with an expiration date, especially since I've realized that I'm not getting everything I need from S. He's a great guy, but I need someone who will open up emotionally to me and who is willing to include me in his life. With S, I'm starting to feel like we're friends with benefits. Not even close friends with benefits. It's strange because we're so comfortable together physically, but so awkward when we actually have to talk to each other. If we do end up getting back together, there are a lot of things we'll need to work on. I was really sad about breaking up when he first brought it up, but I've been warming up to the idea since then. We both deserve to be in relationships with someone we're sure we want to be with. I would rather be in no relationship than one that isn't working for both of us.

A lot of other things have been going on in my life, too. It's the end of my sophomore year, and I can't believe I'm halfway done with college! Unfortunately, this also means that it's finals time, so I've been writing papers and studying like crazy. I had my voice juries yesterday, which didn't go as well as I wished, but not as badly as I thought they would. I also participated in beer mile, which is where a bunch of drunk college kids run a mile naked. I was one of those drunk college kids, and it was a very freeing experience. Last weekend, I drove three hours to stay at M's house and go see Spamalot with her. It was a FABULOUS show! The singing, acting, and costumes were great, and the story was very, very silly. Getting away was also really good for me because it let me find a new perspective on the S situation. I'll admit that I did spend a good part of Friday in M's guest bedroom crying to my mom over the phone. In my defense, I find endings to be really sad, and I was really tired from staying up almost all night.

I'm really excited to see Sistadre! It feels like it's been ages, and I've really missed her these past couple weeks. It'll be fun to have her visit me at school and meet all the people I've told her about!