Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Poem

I've been trying to revise a poem I wrote last year as a response poem/allusion poem to Matthew Arnold's "Dover Beach". I became mildly obsessed with "Dover Beach" during my Victorian literature class last spring because his imagery is so beautiful and his poem captured a feeling of both beauty and hopelessness that I found intriguing and haunting. I also really enjoy the response poem titled "The Dover Bitch" by Anthony Hecht, which is less haunting and more hilarious, but evocative all the same.

Here's my poem; all constructive criticism is welcome!

Ineffable Waltz

So here we dance upon your darkling plain,

Although I know the steps but dim

I follow yours into an endless round

Of one and two and three and one.

Your hand has seized on mine;

However far I try to spin away

I hear the crashing roar of Dover’s wave;

It beats the time as of a pounding heart,

Those ineluctable waves, those awful, beautiful

Swells that rush upon us as we grasp each other;

We become you and I, like we always knew we were.


And yes, I realize it is a little melodramatic.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Conversations About Snow

Okay, so here's an example of why you should never attempt to talk to a guy you are quasi-interested in while under extreme stress of finals week and going on under 5 hours of sleep.

TM: I hate the snow. I wish it had waited to snow until I left.
Me: Well, at least they did a pretty good job of clearing the sidewalks.
TM: No, no they didn't.
Me: Oh. Well, the snow is really pretty.
TM: Whether or not the snow is pretty doesn't really concern me.

And it was at about that point in the conversation that I slipped on the icy sidewalk.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

It's Always 5:00 Somewhere

So, I finished all my finals on Wednesday and then had 20 hours to pick out an outfit to wear on my date with K. Julia and I decided it should be nice-casual, but warm (because it was under 20 degrees), so I ended up wearing a nice brown sweater dress with jeans, a green scarf, and my new winter coat.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling ridiculously nervous, and spent all of breakfast worrying to my friends about my date, because I'm such an awkward and bizarre person that of course I was going to screw something up.
"I think you need to chill out" Mikayla told me, "I have some rum and some cider in my room, if that would help." And that's how I ended up drinking at 10:00 in the morning, less than an hour after I woke up. But hey, it's always 5:00 somewhere, right?

The date itself went really well, much better than I expected. I was a little worried about getting there and having an awkward "who pays for this" moment, especially since I was the one who invited him. I solved this problem by showing up 5 minutes early to the cafe (he suggested the more upscale place near campus) and buying my own coffee. I was also having horrible visions of us just sitting in silence, staring awkwardly and unattractively at each other as we raced through possibly conversation topics in our mind. This did not happen; we talked easily for an hour or so, although we tended to switch topics rapidly and without finishing them. Normally, I dislike making small talk, but I had a really good time talking to K. After an hour, we headed back to campus in the snow. When we parted, he told me that we should do this again after the break, to which I enthusiastically agreed.

All in all, I would call it a Successful Date, especially since there's going to be a second date!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

5 Reasons

Here are 5 Reasons Why I Should Forget About TM:

5. He's already proven that he doesn't know how to handle a hookup gracefully.
4. It's only the end of his first semester, and he's already known as the biggest player in his class.
3. Everything he does is calculated to attract women to him, but he doesn't take into account that women are attracted to sincerity.
2. The only reason he's interested in me again is because I've found someone else.

AND FINALLY

1. Wearing a cowboy hat in the snow is just silly.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

This Is My Winter Song To You

I've fallen in love with the song "Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. It's a very simple song, harmonically speaking, but their voices work brilliantly together, and the simplicity of it works well in juxtaposition with all the overdone, oversung pieces being performed these days. "Winter Song" is very haunting, but uplifting at the same time. If that makes any sense.

Another winter song I've really enjoyed lately is Colbie Caillat's "Mistletoe". This one is also a nice, simple song, but a little bouncier than "Winter Song". It's very similar to her other work, but that's partly why I like it.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Weirdest Day Ever

Okay, for this post, my blog is briefly going to turn into a dating blog, like the one I read on cosmopolitan.com.

My love life has picked up dramatically in the past week; a few days ago I asked a boy out to coffee. I met him at a party in Julia's room about a year ago, but nothing ever happened because I was still in love with George. Anyways, I've been seeing him around campus all the time, so I decided to ask him out. He said yes, and then asked for my number, saying he probably wouldn't have time to call me until the end of next week, or even early next semester. Instead of a week later, he called today, two days later! Julia and I think that he followed the 2 day rule that guys seem to think is appropriate. I was so surprised that he called that I nearly dropped the phone. I hope coffee goes well, but I'm reminding myself that it's just a casual getting-to-know-you thing right now, so the stakes aren't that high. Unless, of course, I decide to seduce him in my black negligee, which is always a possibility.

In other news, just when I thought he'd finally gone away completely, TM reappeared on the radar. He joined a conversation that Stasi and I were having and walked with us over to my dorm. As we were walking, he turns to me and asks "How are things going?", to which I replied "Busy." He got a confused look on his face and then clarified: "I meant your love life." Well, alright then. It was very satisfying to tell him that I have a date next week. Later, Stasi told me that he walked over to the library with her and told her that he had handled things poorly with me. Really, TM? You think so?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Penultimate Week

So, this is the penultimate week of the semester, and I thought I'd give everyone (meaning Juliana, Caroline, and Ellie) an update of how this week and the next week looks.

Thursday, December 11: 2-3 page Psych paper due, Psych quiz
Monday, December 15: Two 350 word Mythology essays, One 800-1000 word Mythology essay, Four 2-3 page Renaissance Lit Essays due
Wednesday, December 17: 6-8 page French Literature essay due

So, I have between 21 and 29 pages of writing due within the next 6 days. Pray for me.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Victory, My Heart!

Okay, so I really should be working on my paper that's due Friday, but I feel like this is more important. I was over in the music building, oh, half an hour ago, and I sang the last run in "Vittoria, Mio Cor" nearly perfectly. This is a big deal, because this run has been my nemesis all semester and I HAVE CONQUERED IT! Luckily, I was recording myself, so here it is for everyone to hear! The beginning starts of rocky because the tempo was a little too slow, but I promise it improves. In the song, there's one run that is repeated 3 times, and it's the third time that I nail it. Listen carefully.

Okay, paper time!

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Break for Giving of Thanks

So, Thanksgiving Break is officially over, and I'm back to writing papers (NOT procrastinating on this one!). An overview of my break:

I drove home Friday with Stasi, Joanne, and two other girls that I don't really know. It was a nice drive, except for when we got lost in Yakima. I mean seriously, Yakima. But we did get home, and Stasi spend Friday night at my house, and then I dropped her off at the airport the next day as I drove up to the farmhouse. There was much fun with the twins and Caitlin, and we all had Thanksgiving at Aliina and Tobi's grandma's house on Sunday night. I spend much of the night singing with Kip. On Wednesday night, Leslie and her family came over for dinner, including her new boyfriend. I wasn't sure how much I liked her boyfriend, but her daughters were cute. Serena (the 13 year old) was also a Twilight fan, and we discussed the movie together. The rest of my time was spent shopping, doing homework, or working at the zoo, although the zoo closed down on Saturday because it lost power. That meant I had time to drive up to the farmhouse and meet Aliina's boy, Josh. We watched videos of fainting goats and pronking springboks, and had a hilarious time.

I did have an awkward incident over break, as usual. I went shopping at Southcenter mall, and made the mistake of smiling at a young man working at one of the vendor booths in the middle of the mall. He was selling a fingernail buffer kit and insisted on buffing two of my nails and rubbing lotion on my hands. He then offered to let me use his employee discount to buy the product and refused to let me leave. When I told him firmly that I had to think before making any purchases, he insisted on giving me a slip of paper with his name on it. It was pretty awkward.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

White-Out Poetry

A White-Out Poem from the text of The Hammer of Witches:

Witches are midwives,
infants, afterwards women,
this obstruction due to conceiving;
she has conceived,
mentioned truth against instinct,
summoned a congress of women,
swore those events incredible.
Raising them up to devils,
they observe the divine.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

So, I have another (very slightly awkward) roommate story. I left my room for a minute to visit someone down the hall, and as I re-entered my room, I made a really gross coughing-up-phlegm sort of noise, not realizing that, during the five minutes I'd been gone, my roomie had gotten back from her class. I didn't realize she was in her room until she started laughing at me.

The moral of the story: Always check to make sure your roommate is not in the room before making weird noises.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Music In Me


So, many of my posts so far have been about boys, and it was recently pointed out to me that all I ever seem to talk about nowadays is, well, boys. I'm not saying that boys don't matter, but I also know that I don't define myself by my interactions with them, and I certainly don't waste all of my time on them.

So, here, my friends, is an update on another, more important aspect of my life. My voice lessons have been going really well lately (despite the fact that I had bronchitis and was unable to sing for two weeks), and my voice teacher and I have been getting along better than we ever have before. I'm currently singing two Italian songs and a German song, all of which I'm slowly falling in love with, although Vittoria, Mio Core is my favorite.

This week at my lesson, my voice teacher recorded me when I wasn't looking, and proceeded to send me four (4!) different versions of me singing "Du Ring An Meinem Finger". And yes, that does mean "The Ring On My Finger", and yes, it is about marriage, and yes, I do think about Josh Groban while I'm singing it.


P.S. If you follow the link and listen to the recording, I'd like to make a disclaimer: I was recovering from bronchitis and had only sung the song about five times. Hence, it fell apart at the end. It might be painful to listen to.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

We Can

I am proud to call myself a part of this nation that is willing to learn from its mistakes and usher in a new era of hope, change, and progression. Up until now, I have been fairly apathetic when it comes to politics, but I believe in people. I think Barack Obama also believes in people, and he will strive to ensure that our government pays more attention to them instead of to itself. Obama's speech was moving tonight, but the moment that touched my heart the most was when his wife joined him onstage, and I could see the love and respect they had for each other. I find it hard to dislike a person who can find that quality in his relationships with other people. I have high hopes for the changes that we will see during Obama's presidency.

So, yes, we can.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Secret Conversation

So, a hilarious thing happened to me this evening, as I sat writing my Psych paper. I got a text message. And who was it from, you might ask? It was from TM. Yes, he actually texted me. It went like this:

TM: I hate it when this happens. Why do all the girls I date either like me and I end up not liking them or the girls I really like always don't have any free time or aren't feeling the love. U know what I mean Emily? Oh and this would be a secret conversation...

Ok....what? I have barely spoken to him in the past month, aside from the drunk texting incident. Maybe he suddenly decided he wanted to be BFFs and have in-depth heart-to hearts. Through texting. This boy is seriously the most ridiculous boy I have ever met. Seriously.

Here is my imagined response:
Me: You'd probably feel better if you burned all your cowboy hats. And your boots.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Feeling Good

You know what? I'm feeling pretty good about things, which is fairly rare for me recently. Also, I'm listening to that one ubiquitous song by Journey, which is not rare for me recently. I seem to hear this song everywhere, so it has become my theme song for this semester.

In other news, TM has a girlfriend, and I find that I don't really care, except to pity the poor girl and laugh at TM. George still has a girlfriend, and I also don't really mind that anymore because either George and I will remain friends or his girlfriend will fix him so I can have the better version of him later :) It's a win-win situation.

I also have a Psych paper and an English paper to write this week, which I find less than thrilling. Hopefully, I will make it through this week and have a nice, laid-back weekend. With no drinking.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween

My Halloween was basically full of ridiculosity and very bad life choices. It started out with no classes except Chorale, no work, and two interviews for the RA position. So far, so good. Then, I went to Walmart with my Theta dot to find...Halloween costumes! I found this great pair of black fairy wings, so I decided to be an Evil Fairy of Evil! I wore the wings, Stasi's little black dress with rhinestones on it, and lots and lots of glitter. It was basically amazing. Things were still good at this point. At about 8:30, we headed over to the 905 for a pre-funk with the Phi's. This is where I started making the bad choices by drinking 3 cups of hop-skip. Hop-skip is a drink composed of lots and lots of alcohol and some soda, and 1 drink is roughly equivalent to 2-3 drinks. So, my judgment was severely impaired by the time we headed over to the Phi House for the Halloween Rave. I danced with TM for a little bit, which I promised my roommate I wouldn't do, and then I ended up dancing with this really weird guy who tried to make out with me on the dance floor. I told him that I had to walk my friend home, grabbed Stasi and Alie (who was dancing with an Indiana Jones) and headed over to the Sig House. At the Sig House, I had an interesting conversation with a girl from my English class who told me she thought I was really awesome and the only cool Theta. I also had a conversation with a guy I danced with at the 905 earlier in the year, but barely remember. That was a pretty awkward conversation. It went something like:
Me: Hi, I'm Emily.
Him: Yeah, I know. I danced with you at the 905.
Me: Oh. Right.
Him: Yeah, I remember I was drinking a beer, so I said no and you seemed upset, so I finished the beer and danced with you.
Me: I did? That's weird, because I don't usually get upset about things like that.
Him: Well, I was pretty drunk, so I probably misread you.

For the record, I was definitely not upset when he said no. Anyways, I then made the worst decision I made all night and decided to text TM. Drunk texting (which I did a lot of last night) is never a good idea, I have decided. Here's how the texting convo went:

Me: What are you up to?
TM: Nothing much. Having a slow night so I can do hw and play rugby tmrw. And so I can watch Made of Honor with this girl who will hopefully be my girlfriend soon. How about urself?
Me: haha sounds like fun!
TM: Yeah, it should be a good time. How about you?
Me: Partying! Trying to find someone to dance with.
TM: haha gl! Never a problem here 4 me! Got more women than I know what to do with. But I really like this one so I'm hopin I'll soon be set.
Me: You have such a big ego...
TM: Me, yes and no. Doesn't hurt my ego when I can go to a dance and not have to approach girls to dance b/c they come to me! :P
Me: Only because you go to Whitman.
TM: I went to Whitman instead of PLU for a reason...
Me: Haha

A very long and bizarre conversation, no?

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Excerpts From My Psych Notebook

I stumbled upon this gem while studying for my Psych quiz. I wrote this when I was working on my Psych paper in the lounge area of Olin (the humanities building, aka my new home), and a cute boy from my English class ended up studying there, too. Since no one else ever studies in Olin, we were completely alone :) Anyways, this is what I wrote:


The question of conditioning offers a thought-provoking insight into

Alright, well this paper is clearly going nowhere. Why is it that my ability to think straight deserts me whenever there's a cute boy around? I always end up saying the stupidest things. I need to learn how to forgive myself for sounding stupid. Seriously.

How hard would it be for me to say "How did you do on the English paper?" I already embarrassed myself in front of Angus. It can't go worse than that, really.

That didn't go too badly. Mildly stilted, but better than anything I said to TM. Or George, when I was in love with him. I'm just taking risks all over the place this year. This is good. It's what I promised myself I'd do last year, but never followed through with.



Not as productive as a Psych paper, but more interesting :)

Soon-To-Be Mrs. Groban

So, as if I weren't already the biggest dork ever, I went and proved myself even dorkier. A few weeks ago I was searching the internet for great tropical vacations and ended up at a website for Turtle Island, which is apparently THE honeymoon spot for celebrities and other wealthy people. Being me, I ended up ordering the free informational dvd under the name Emily Groban and sending it to Aliina and Tobi's house, where it is apparently now waiting for me. Also, the Turtle Island people keep emailing me to let me know that I can call my consultant's private line at any time. They probably think that I'm incredibly wealthy and about to marry Josh Groban, which is, in my opinion, not a bad persona to have :)

Monday, October 27, 2008

Still Sick

Still sick, so not a lot's been going on with me. I really hope I'm better by Halloween, because we have lots of fun plans that include dressing up and dancing a lot. Also, our Crush party (where we get to anonymously invite two crushes) is on Saturday, and I invited Pierre and another guy I met last year. Pierre kept looking at me in French today, so I wonder if he suspects that I invited him. He might have been looking at me because I was hacking up a lung, though.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Misheard

I had a funny conversation with my roommate and a couple other people today.

Mikayla: Do you guys want to go to Reid for dinner?
Me: We're going in about fifteen minutes.
Julia (from the other room): Because we're not wearing anything.
Me: Yes, because we are a naked room.
Julia: What? I said we're not ordering anything
Me: Oh.

An Imagined Conversation

Today, Ellie and I imagined what would happen if George somehow stumbled upon my blog. We thought it would go something like this:

George: So, I found your blog, and you wrote about a conversation you and I had. Only, I was called George. Do you call me George behind my back?
Me: Well, it's not just me, you see. Half of Prentiss calls you George.
George: I'm not sure we can be friends anymore.

On another note, I may or may not have told Ellie that I like a guy in my French class while Pierre was right behind us. So, here's hoping that he wasn't paying attention. Also, let's pray that Pierre never finds this blog.

I talked to a boy!

I talked to Pierre today during brunch! The conversation went something like this:

Me: Have you started your French paper?
Pierre: Haha no. I'm getting a little worried about it, actually.
Me: Me too.


So, I should probably go work on my essay.

Friday, October 24, 2008

A Conversation I Had Today

A conversation I had today:

Me: Explain your gender to me.
George: I can't. You'll never understand men, and I'll never understand women. It's how the world works. Is your freshman not coming around?
Me: Eh.
George: You should seduce him.
Me: ...Already did.
George: How'd that go?
Me: Pretty well, until he turned into a jerk.
George: Yeah, that happens sometimes.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

A poem that makes me happy:
i carry your heart with me by e. e. Cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)


The Awkward

So, this is me. Blogging. I'm not really sure anyone besides myself (and maybe my sister) will be interested in reading about me and my life, which is simply a series of awkward encounters, but here it is for everyone to see anyway.

I'm Emily, simultaneously a self-proclaimed English nerd and a sorority girl. My life is full of minor incidents which I then proceed to turn into full-blown drama. I enjoy musical theatre too much, I apologize too often, and I write poetry. I probably think about sex more than the average young woman is supposed to. Awkwardness seems to follow me around. For example, in my English class this year, I had an embarrassing experience involving this poem by John Donne:

WHERE, like a pillow on a bed,
A pregnant bank swell'd up, to rest
The violet's reclining head,
Sat we two, one another's best.

Our hands were firmly cemented
By a fast balm, which thence did spring ;
Our eye-beams twisted, and did thread
Our eyes upon one double string.

So to engraft our hands, as yet
Was all the means to make us one ;
And pictures in our eyes to get
Was all our propagation.

As, 'twixt two equal armies, Fate
Suspends uncertain victory,
Our souls—which to advance their state,
Were gone out—hung 'twixt her and me.

And whilst our souls negotiate there,
We like sepulchral statues lay ;
All day, the same our postures were,
And we said nothing, all the day.

If any, so by love refined,
That he soul's language understood,
And by good love were grown all mind,
Within convenient distance stood,

He—though he knew not which soul spake,
Because both meant, both spake the same—
Might thence a new concoction take,
And part far purer than he came.

This ecstasy doth unperplex
(We said) and tell us what we love ;
We see by this, it was not sex ;
We see, we saw not, what did move :

But as all several souls contain
Mixture of things they know not what,
Love these mix'd souls doth mix again,
And makes both one, each this, and that.

A single violet transplant,
The strength, the colour, and the size—
All which before was poor and scant—
Redoubles still, and multiplies.

When love with one another so
Interanimates two souls,
That abler soul, which thence doth flow,
Defects of loneliness controls.

We then, who are this new soul, know,
Of what we are composed, and made,
For th' atomies of which we grow
Are souls, whom no change can invade.

But, O alas ! so long, so far,
Our bodies why do we forbear?
They are ours, though not we ; we are
Th' intelligences, they the spheres.

We owe them thanks, because they thus
Did us, to us, at first convey,
Yielded their senses' force to us,
Nor are dross to us, but allay.

On man heaven's influence works not so,
But that it first imprints the air ;
For soul into the soul may flow,
Though it to body first repair.

As our blood labours to beget
Spirits, as like souls as it can ;
Because such fingers need to knit
That subtle knot, which makes us man ;

So must pure lovers' souls descend
To affections, and to faculties,
Which sense may reach and apprehend,
Else a great prince in prison lies.

To our bodies turn we then, that so
Weak men on love reveal'd may look ;
Love's mysteries in souls do grow,
But yet the body is his book.

And if some lover, such as we,
Have heard this dialogue of one,
Let him still mark us, he shall see
Small change when we're to bodies gone.


This poem in and of itself is not awkward. During class, I offered to share my book with a cute boy who was sitting next to me, not remembering that I had annotated late at night, and ended up with "They're going to have SEX!!" written in my margins at least three times. He has not looked me in the eye since.

That is my life, in a nutshell.