Okay, quickie post before sorority recruitment workshop:
Back at school. Lots of mixed feelings about pretty much everything, except, of course, my awesome house and housemates. Not sure what to do about TM, missing S more than I thought I would. Went to my first real party since being back at school, caught up with some friends, flirted with some boys, hooked up with TM. Honestly, I'm really ready to just swear off dating for awhile unless someone really awesome just happens to stumble across my path. And I mean Josh Groban awesome, not just regular awesome.
I read Bet Me again, which somewhat restored my belief in true love. I'm thinking about going to the bookstore and buying the latest Sookie Stackhouse novel to entertain myself while I take a break from the male gender. Maybe I'll also catch up on True Blood.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
The Light In Me Will Guide You Home
This week, I packed up 20 years of my life in order to move just 5 miles from the home where I grew up. It's just as hard as you'd think it would be, but I know that it was going to happen at some point. That point just happened so suddenly and so soon.
Today was just preliminary moving; some bags here and there, a few lamps, and box or two. It was strange stepping into the house for the first time, knowing that it's supposed to be home now, when it feels like anything but. The second trip there was easier, if not exactly normal. It's sad, knowing that this is the last night that I'll spend in the house where I had some of my best memories. So much of me has happened in this house, and it's difficult to let go of that. I have a hard time with irrevocable change; I hate knowing that we won't ever be able to come back to this. I keep telling myself that the new house is good too. It has a spectacular view, and it will start to feel familiar soon, but I still can't help but feel nostalgic. In the end, though, I know that it's more important to be with my family and the people I love, even if the house isn't the same.
Today was just preliminary moving; some bags here and there, a few lamps, and box or two. It was strange stepping into the house for the first time, knowing that it's supposed to be home now, when it feels like anything but. The second trip there was easier, if not exactly normal. It's sad, knowing that this is the last night that I'll spend in the house where I had some of my best memories. So much of me has happened in this house, and it's difficult to let go of that. I have a hard time with irrevocable change; I hate knowing that we won't ever be able to come back to this. I keep telling myself that the new house is good too. It has a spectacular view, and it will start to feel familiar soon, but I still can't help but feel nostalgic. In the end, though, I know that it's more important to be with my family and the people I love, even if the house isn't the same.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Dancing Where The Stars Go Blue
I keep starting to write entries for this blog, which then taper off into nothing as I start thinking too much about everything I want to say and everything I want to keep private. In the end, it comes down to this: I don't know what I want.
I want to know why, at the beginning of every new relationship, I get scared and tell myself I don't need or want to start anything romantic. At least it's getting easier to distinguish between plain fear and my intuition telling me "not the right person". With K, it took me four dates to realize that he was not for me; with TM, I don't need to go on any dates to know that, though I have a very physical reaction to him, a relationship would absolutely not work. S is different altogether; I worked through the beginning-stages fear really easily, but freaked out when it came to making myself emotionally vulnerable.
ZB is interesting because I think I could like him a lot, but I also know that I'm leaving in 10 days, and I definitely do not want a long distance relationship at such an early stage. Our date tonight was the most romantic I've ever been on, though. We went to see 500 Days of Summer (my choice), which was a great movie, and he held my hand through the entire thing. There were no awkward "should I go for it or not" movements; he just reached over and laced his fingers in mine. In the car afterwards, we didn't sit around awkwardly wondering if we should do something else; he simply looked at me and asked "waterfront?", and I gave him a thumbs up. The conversation flowed easily, and we both laughed a lot until we got to the waterfront. I can honestly say that I've never been in such a romantic situation. We walked down the waterfront and watched the last bit of light disappear in the sky, and then he kissed me at the end of the pier while we looked at the stars. It wasn't lacking in fun either; we snuck up on a flock of sleeping geese and then we made up stories about this empty building on the waterfront. Some of our better theories: keeping mermaids captive in the surrounding water, and vampires in hiding.
I do have doubts about ZB. He's not as off-beat as the guys I normally date. I love guys who have a lot of passion for life and things in their life. I want guys who aren't afraid to have eccentric interests or who have ambitious goals and aspirations. Despite this, it's very easy to like ZB because he's funny and sweet. Things are simple with him. Maybe that's not something I'm not looking for in a long-term relationship, but I don't mind simple and easy for the last couple weeks of summer. I enjoyed the two dates we've gone on, and I hope I get to know him better before I leave.
A note on kissing: the feeling of kissing someone new is so strange, especially when you're used to someone else's kissing style. I got used to the way S kissed, so it's strange to experience something different. It's not better or worse, just...different.
I want to know why, at the beginning of every new relationship, I get scared and tell myself I don't need or want to start anything romantic. At least it's getting easier to distinguish between plain fear and my intuition telling me "not the right person". With K, it took me four dates to realize that he was not for me; with TM, I don't need to go on any dates to know that, though I have a very physical reaction to him, a relationship would absolutely not work. S is different altogether; I worked through the beginning-stages fear really easily, but freaked out when it came to making myself emotionally vulnerable.
ZB is interesting because I think I could like him a lot, but I also know that I'm leaving in 10 days, and I definitely do not want a long distance relationship at such an early stage. Our date tonight was the most romantic I've ever been on, though. We went to see 500 Days of Summer (my choice), which was a great movie, and he held my hand through the entire thing. There were no awkward "should I go for it or not" movements; he just reached over and laced his fingers in mine. In the car afterwards, we didn't sit around awkwardly wondering if we should do something else; he simply looked at me and asked "waterfront?", and I gave him a thumbs up. The conversation flowed easily, and we both laughed a lot until we got to the waterfront. I can honestly say that I've never been in such a romantic situation. We walked down the waterfront and watched the last bit of light disappear in the sky, and then he kissed me at the end of the pier while we looked at the stars. It wasn't lacking in fun either; we snuck up on a flock of sleeping geese and then we made up stories about this empty building on the waterfront. Some of our better theories: keeping mermaids captive in the surrounding water, and vampires in hiding.
I do have doubts about ZB. He's not as off-beat as the guys I normally date. I love guys who have a lot of passion for life and things in their life. I want guys who aren't afraid to have eccentric interests or who have ambitious goals and aspirations. Despite this, it's very easy to like ZB because he's funny and sweet. Things are simple with him. Maybe that's not something I'm not looking for in a long-term relationship, but I don't mind simple and easy for the last couple weeks of summer. I enjoyed the two dates we've gone on, and I hope I get to know him better before I leave.
A note on kissing: the feeling of kissing someone new is so strange, especially when you're used to someone else's kissing style. I got used to the way S kissed, so it's strange to experience something different. It's not better or worse, just...different.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
I Will Love You When You're Blue
Well, I have certainly neglected my blog this summer, so I'll give a quick overview of the month of July.
THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN JULY
1. 4th of July at A and T's lake cabin. Swimming spiders, fireworks, apples to apples, croquet.
2. Road trip through wine country. Three middle-aged women, two college women, lots of wine, meth jokes, and good food.
3. Zoobilee! A 19-hour day, pretty dresses, and driving a cart around the zoo!
4. New boy on the horizon! Full sail ahead!
5. A long-distance non-relationship relationship. What?
IN MORE DETAIL
The road trip was a lot more fun than I had anticipated. Sometimes I feel like I'm a middle-aged woman myself, so hanging out with three of them wasn't too painful at all. Mom, Aunt K, their friend L, Sistadre, and I left on the 9th for our trip, and we definitely had some moments that felt like they were straight out of a movie. L, a single mom, was on the verge of leaving her fiancee, so we ended up talking a lot about relationships, love, and life. We also amused ourselves sometimes by deciding which houses in the boonies were probably meth labs. We also ate a lot of good food and blatantly ogled our servers. My favorite night was probably our last night, when we sat outside for dinner and split appetizers and dessert. Our waitress fascinated me; she had moved out to the west coast from the east coast, and she hinted that it was because of a failed relationship. I've always wondered what kind of problems would drive someone to pick up their life and completely start over again in a new place.
Zoobilee was crazy. I spent the day driving a cart around, loading and unloading big trucks full of food and alcohol. Then, I got a two hour break to shower and put on a pretty dress. After that, it was back to the zoo to work will call and the auction until 1:30 am, when I was on clean-up duty until 3:30 am. It was a lot of fun; I love working events!
New boy prospects! One of the guys at the zoo (we'll call him ZB for Zoo Boy), invited me to attend a wedding with him, but I'll be back at school by then (which is a shame because I love weddings). So, I suggested hanging out sometime, and we're going to see The Ugly Truth on Monday! ZB reminds me of S in some ways; he's funny and a little nerdy, but very sweet. I'm excited to get to know him outside of the context of the zoo.
TM is still texting me. I freaked out a little earlier in July because it was suddenly way too involved. I felt like we were in a relationship already; he would text me to say goodnight or ask how work was going or to tell me that I'm hot. Relationshippy things. Which, to be honest, I would be ecstatic about if it were someone other than TM, but I'm not sure I want something serious with TM. Actually, I'm not sure I want anything serious with ANYONE right now. I've been thinking a lot about love lately, and I'm not sure any of the guys in my life are really right for me. But we shall see.
So, that was the month of July, and I guess we'll see what August has in store!
THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN JULY
1. 4th of July at A and T's lake cabin. Swimming spiders, fireworks, apples to apples, croquet.
2. Road trip through wine country. Three middle-aged women, two college women, lots of wine, meth jokes, and good food.
3. Zoobilee! A 19-hour day, pretty dresses, and driving a cart around the zoo!
4. New boy on the horizon! Full sail ahead!
5. A long-distance non-relationship relationship. What?
IN MORE DETAIL
The road trip was a lot more fun than I had anticipated. Sometimes I feel like I'm a middle-aged woman myself, so hanging out with three of them wasn't too painful at all. Mom, Aunt K, their friend L, Sistadre, and I left on the 9th for our trip, and we definitely had some moments that felt like they were straight out of a movie. L, a single mom, was on the verge of leaving her fiancee, so we ended up talking a lot about relationships, love, and life. We also amused ourselves sometimes by deciding which houses in the boonies were probably meth labs. We also ate a lot of good food and blatantly ogled our servers. My favorite night was probably our last night, when we sat outside for dinner and split appetizers and dessert. Our waitress fascinated me; she had moved out to the west coast from the east coast, and she hinted that it was because of a failed relationship. I've always wondered what kind of problems would drive someone to pick up their life and completely start over again in a new place.
Zoobilee was crazy. I spent the day driving a cart around, loading and unloading big trucks full of food and alcohol. Then, I got a two hour break to shower and put on a pretty dress. After that, it was back to the zoo to work will call and the auction until 1:30 am, when I was on clean-up duty until 3:30 am. It was a lot of fun; I love working events!
New boy prospects! One of the guys at the zoo (we'll call him ZB for Zoo Boy), invited me to attend a wedding with him, but I'll be back at school by then (which is a shame because I love weddings). So, I suggested hanging out sometime, and we're going to see The Ugly Truth on Monday! ZB reminds me of S in some ways; he's funny and a little nerdy, but very sweet. I'm excited to get to know him outside of the context of the zoo.
TM is still texting me. I freaked out a little earlier in July because it was suddenly way too involved. I felt like we were in a relationship already; he would text me to say goodnight or ask how work was going or to tell me that I'm hot. Relationshippy things. Which, to be honest, I would be ecstatic about if it were someone other than TM, but I'm not sure I want something serious with TM. Actually, I'm not sure I want anything serious with ANYONE right now. I've been thinking a lot about love lately, and I'm not sure any of the guys in my life are really right for me. But we shall see.
So, that was the month of July, and I guess we'll see what August has in store!
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